Archive for the God Category

Nemesis

Posted in God, Mga Karunungan, Nuggets of Wisdom with tags , , on March 4, 2008 by niennavarda
… and so is this the wrath of God that hath fallen down on me?

Went to UERMMMC early this afternoon for a 4th consult regarding my knee. My knee has been hurting really bad for a month now and I’ve been walking in crutches for more than two weeks. I am due for rehab and if that doesn’t work I’m off to surgery. I’ve never thought that one little mistake could have such fatal consequences.

This comes with plenty of hard lessons to be learned and I surrender to the higher powers. If this won’t teach me a lesson, I don’t know what would. The aftermath of my stupidity and ignorance and sin has really cost me a lot. I know I’ve been really, really bad and I’m sorry. I really am sorry.

The incident has put a lot of things in perspective. I’ve learned to appreciate the things you would normally not appreciate when you are whole. I’ve learned to appreciate running, walking and dancing. I’ve learned to grab every opportunity to have fun and to travel and to experience new things. I have learned to say “No” to people I care about if what they offer may potentially harm me. I learned never to do anything against my will. I’ve learned to think more of myself, that it is all right to put myself first and not others all the time. I’ve learned to ask for help, to swallow my pride and be dependent on the people who care about me, the kind souls around me (and this really, really hurt). I’ve learned (and to borrow Samwise Gamgee’s words) that there is good in this world and it is worth fighting for. I’ve learned to love life. I’ve learned to appreciate mine. I shouldn’t waste it away.

I’ve been thinking for quite some time now how long I could still outsmart God. I’ve done a substantial amount of pretty bad things in the past couple of years and I have been putting all my wits to deter cataclysmal ramifications. But I know it’s all just a matter of time. I know that bottom line is, in the end, no matter how long it takes, God would win and all the consequences would come crashing down on me. He would no longer withhold his wrath. My sins would catch up on me.

Perhaps, I haven’t really been outsmarting God. Perhaps, it was just grace pulling me through. But if it is grace, how long will it last until it runs dry? Would grace still be extended to me if I’ve used up all the grace that there is for me? God help me. You win.
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