I Just Want to be True to Myself Right Now…

and admit that I am lonely. That sometimes, no matter how many drinking parties you go to, or places you travel to or new things you try, you still go to bed at night and realize that there’s a gnawing hole in your person that isn’t quite filled. I’m not necessarily talking about a need for a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship but more of having someone constant in your life, be it a friend, a sister, a room mate or an office mate. Someone you can talk to and share your ideas with consistently and someone who just enjoys your companionship because you’re you.

I miss my college dorm room mates and our chats until the wee hours of the morning. Those times when we should all have been already sleeping but can’t help laughing over our mishaps. I miss my siblings and our intellectual (intellectual daw ba? hehehe) conversations. Kayo na ang mga taong pinaka-ka-wavelength ko sa buong mundo. I miss your witty retorts. I even miss the times you would all gang up to pick on me, your favorite pastime.

I’ve been really trying to keep myself busy to make myself happy all this time. But I guess you can only do so much on your own. I hate admitting that I need people. I hate admitting that I have a weakness. I have always prided myself that I can survive on my own but who am I fooling, right?

I just came from a drinking/bonding session with friends just a couple of hours back. I learned a very valuabe lesson today: it is all right to admit that you do get lonely. It is not a bad thing. I am afterall just human. Thanks, guys.

16 Responses to “I Just Want to be True to Myself Right Now…”

  1. oozingsexy Says:

    Love you Madam! Mwah! Salamat sa shrimps at Mocha Caramel. =D

  2. lab yu, too, meemers! pagbalik mo ulit galing shanghai šŸ˜€

  3. dang! its been forever since i’ve read your blog. or someone else’ blog for that matter. i know what you mean. maybe that too is what i need. not the romatic crazy suffocating gf-bf relationship.

    i need a bestfriend. sadly, i’ve lost her too. ;(

  4. @yeba! oo nga eh, dati pa naman ikaw number one fan ng blog ko :)) miss ko na rin pagsusulat mo. magsulat ka ulit ha? miss ko na basahin blog mo, mga ideas mo, mga saloobin mo… ikaw pa naman ang isa sa mga nag-inspire sakin mag-sulat…

    and you got it, a best friend is what we need. nothing suffocating. not a ball and chain. not someone clingy. just someone we can talk to at the end of the day and someone who would not get tired of our idiosyncrasies.

    as for the best friend you’ve lost. I’m sure you’d find someone new. though actually finding one might be harder than saying that you actually would, it is not an impossibility. punta ka na lang dito sa japan šŸ™‚ let’s talk until the wee hours of morning šŸ™‚

    i miss you šŸ™‚

  5. Yeyen!

    Mahal ka namin šŸ™‚ And you know we’ll always be here for you (naks). Even if we don’t see each other that much, tau tau pa rin ang ka berks ( šŸ˜‰ haha)

    Ngatski dyan šŸ™‚

  6. pssst… onegai… watashi ga nihon ni imasen :c hope i could be tho… just to stay up and talk… šŸ˜€ we used to do that ALOT. i love u… u know that. missin u yeyen… always here for you.

  7. @ian and joj, waaaah! uber thanks. thank you for reminding me that you guys are there for me no matter what. that means a lot to me, you guys mean a lot to me.

    i really do miss our late night talks, our never ending conversations, even our petty quarrels šŸ˜› hope to be able to do that with you guys again soon. haha, yes, even the petty quarrels šŸ˜›

    love you both šŸ™‚

  8. hwehehe someday pakabit ako skype para mkapag-usap tayo unlimited!!! hwahaha lab u!

  9. lab yu, too, jojee banojee! mag-install ka na ng skype!

  10. i agree. all we need (right now, that is) is someone we can talk to about everything and nothing. šŸ˜‰ masarap ang feeling ng may ganun šŸ™‚

  11. yeah… everything and nothing… pati yung tipong yung silence niyo, di awkward silence…

    kung kasama mo siya, you feel that everything is right with the world…

  12. Sorry for dredging up an old post, but just came across this and thought I’d throw in my 1/2 cent worth.

    “I hate admitting that I need people. I hate admitting that I have a weakness. I have always prided myself that I can survive on my own but who am I fooling, right?”

    I have to wonder where we get this from. Are we trying to be *too* independent? I think it’s natural to need others. I think we’re more of a hive-mind creature than we like to think. Tell me you haven’t watched cars on highways from an airplane and thought about ants.

    I think there’s something integral about being part of a social group. I don’t pretend to know what it is, but I believe that it’s in indicator of our mental health. The lonelier one is, the more psychologically one pushes oneself into unhealthy corners. So I don’t think “needing” someone (singular or plural) is a weakness. And definitely not something to be ashamed of or have to apologize for, either.

    I think that’s just the way we are. But don’t mind me. It’s not like *I* know anything.

  13. Hi Fried Toast!

    Hope you still remember me šŸ™‚

    You are actually right. Everyone needs someone and needing someone is not a weakness. Learned that too late though šŸ˜›

    I’ve been more or less kind of a schizoid šŸ˜›

    By the way, hope you visit my new blog at http://yeyenman.com

  14. Of course I remember you šŸ™‚ I wasn’t sure you’d remember *me* šŸ˜›

    If I didn’t remember you, I wouldn’t have commented here, eh šŸ˜‰ Found you through one of Tina’s links.

    Never did get your email. Drop me a line and I’ll try to dig up the pics that I took of you @ the Phillipine festival last year. My email is my username at gmail.

    Hope you’re doin’ well. Next time I’m in Tokyo, I’ll try to hunt ya down and give you a hug or two. Don’t want you going schizoid on us now! šŸ™‚

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