Nemesis

… and so is this the wrath of God that hath fallen down on me?

Went to UERMMMC early this afternoon for a 4th consult regarding my knee. My knee has been hurting really bad for a month now and I’ve been walking in crutches for more than two weeks. I am due for rehab and if that doesn’t work I’m off to surgery. I’ve never thought that one little mistake could have such fatal consequences.

This comes with plenty of hard lessons to be learned and I surrender to the higher powers. If this won’t teach me a lesson, I don’t know what would. The aftermath of my stupidity and ignorance and sin has really cost me a lot. I know I’ve been really, really bad and I’m sorry. I really am sorry.

The incident has put a lot of things in perspective. I’ve learned to appreciate the things you would normally not appreciate when you are whole. I’ve learned to appreciate running, walking and dancing. I’ve learned to grab every opportunity to have fun and to travel and to experience new things. I have learned to say “No” to people I care about if what they offer may potentially harm me. I learned never to do anything against my will. I’ve learned to think more of myself, that it is all right to put myself first and not others all the time. I’ve learned to ask for help, to swallow my pride and be dependent on the people who care about me, the kind souls around me (and this really, really hurt). I’ve learned (and to borrow Samwise Gamgee’s words) that there is good in this world and it is worth fighting for. I’ve learned to love life. I’ve learned to appreciate mine. I shouldn’t waste it away.

I’ve been thinking for quite some time now how long I could still outsmart God. I’ve done a substantial amount of pretty bad things in the past couple of years and I have been putting all my wits to deter cataclysmal ramifications. But I know it’s all just a matter of time. I know that bottom line is, in the end, no matter how long it takes, God would win and all the consequences would come crashing down on me. He would no longer withhold his wrath. My sins would catch up on me.

Perhaps, I haven’t really been outsmarting God. Perhaps, it was just grace pulling me through. But if it is grace, how long will it last until it runs dry? Would grace still be extended to me if I’ve used up all the grace that there is for me? God help me. You win.

13 Responses to “Nemesis”

  1. merilion Says:

    πŸ™‚

  2. the thing about grace is… it’s infinite. but it’s not to be abused. hehe. God disciplines whom He loves. =p

  3. ninang karen Says:

    afaik, the concept of GOD has infinity so i’m assuming God’s grace is eternal?! oh well, sino nga ba ako to assume? let alone have this concept??? :p

  4. merilion Says:

    sounds like dcTalk’s “What If I Stumble?” πŸ™‚

    yes, His grace is more than enough, yet it is all you really need. πŸ™‚ we really need to meet again, yeyen. πŸ™‚

    and God always wins… πŸ™‚

  5. merilion Says:

    remember Psalm 139? how about meditating on it tonight? πŸ˜€

  6. leenlang Says:

    Dear, kaya mo yan! Hope to see you jogging sa oval soon ^_^

  7. hehe… salamat sa lahat ng nag-comment. kakaloka ang mga pangyayari sa buhay ko recently, especially since nanganganib ang isang bagay na matagal-tagal ko nang inaasam.

    thank you for reminding me that god’s grace never runs out. i needed that πŸ™‚ hahaha… magpapakabait na ako (hopefully magawa ko, hehe). at excited na ko ulit tumakbo around the acad oval πŸ™‚

  8. eeheeerrrmmm, di ako makapag-react sa usapang God, madam. gomen gomen.

    basta ang masasabi ko lang, lahat ng bagay may rason kung bakit nangyayari. πŸ™‚ kaya mo yan! πŸ˜€

  9. @tinats: hahaha. yep medyo taboo nga ang topic na to but i surrender to the higher powers. di ko na kaya hehehe. at tama ka lahat ng bagay may dahilan πŸ™‚ salamat sa encouragement πŸ™‚

    nagstart na ko ng rehab session ko kahapon. kung di lang magastos ang rehab ang sarap magpa-rehab! hehehe

  10. ano, binalot ba ng tunaw na kandila yung tuhod mo? that was my favorite part! sarap magparehab! πŸ˜€ hate hate hate the exercises though.

  11. hahaha, wala namang kandila thing pero kinukuryente ako ng 4KHz, 20 Hz frequency modulated signal na may 30 mA current sa tuhod at thigh muscles at pagkatapos nun stretching ng mga nanuyo kong muscles sa legs. hehehe

    nung isang araw ang masakit. in-injectionan ako ng steroids directly sa tuhod. panalo talaga yun. waaaah! pero sarap ng effect after. kaya ko na ilakad ng konti πŸ˜€

  12. 63mA ako dati :p

  13. nyaaah! hardcore ka talaga. masochist ka nga πŸ˜› hehehe

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