I Owe it to Myself to Write

I should have updated my blog an hour ago but it is just so typical of me to procrastinate, even with those things I claim “I really wanted to do.” Haha… besides that, I admit, I am such a coward. I can’t seem to face my life’s realities much less write about them. I find it hard to be true to myself, to admit that I am still after all… human.

In one of those casual days when my idle mind came drifting away, the awful truth came to me – I am not getting any younger. In fact, whoa! I suddenly realized that I am actually pushing thirty. Thirty?! Yep, thirty and I had to do cartwheels to shake myself off and believe. Where has my life gone? I had practically already spent a third of my life and I haven’t even had taken a teeny weenie step of changing the course of the universe. So much for my dreams when I was younger. Hehe 😛

“The idle mind is the devil’s workshop” – well not at that instant when my life suddenly flashed before my eyes. That was it?! n! years and that was it?! How pathetic! What have I been doing all these years? Definitely not the things I wanted to do, so what passed my time?

First comes realization, then depression…

I keep postponing the things I wanted to do for the things “I should do.” I had been so busy dealing with the things I deemed urgent, I neglected to give time to those that were important. Looking back, I really regret having passed those opportunities when I could have grabbed life by the balls, when I could have acted the way I wanted to not the way I had to. I haven’t been true to the very essence of my being. The worst crime anyone could ever commit to one’s self. I’m a fake. A fake! And oh, the truth hurts…

A plan of action…

So what’s stopping me from doing the things I wanted to do? Is it just because I’m scared? Is it because of the tons of responsibility on my shoulders? The truth is there is no enough reason from stopping me from living the life I want to, from becoming who I really am. It’s just me. I can’t face who I am. I’m scared and I’m hiding behind all sorts of reasons. I make reasons.

This blog is about me. The real me. My first step. I owe it to myself to write

5 Responses to “I Owe it to Myself to Write”

  1. hehe. post looks familiar ;p
    i want to write too. but i’ve lost my wit. i can’t even end my posts properly. so sad. all i have is angst.

  2. You need to release that angst dude 😉 looking forward to your next blog entry 🙂

  3. ang angst kailangang ilabas…

    …parang utot lang yan.

    (credit goes to erika for this oh so wonderful hirit)

  4. hehe, mukhang kailangan ko laging mautot 😛

  5. wahaha, eh di i-utot na ng i-utot!

    (my gash, ako ang nagsimula ng usapang utot haha)

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